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Encountering rejection, notably when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. Someone is declining your work, delivering a firm “Not interested.” As a writer, I am familiar with rejection. I began submitting story ideas half a century past, right after completing my studies. Over the years, I have had two novels rejected, along with article pitches and many short stories. Over the past two decades, focusing on commentary, the refusals have grown more frequent. On average, I face a rejection frequently—totaling over 100 times a year. In total, denials over my career exceed a thousand. Today, I could claim a PhD in handling no’s.

However, is this a self-pitying rant? Absolutely not. Because, at last, at 73 years old, I have embraced rejection.

How Have I Accomplished This?

Some context: At this point, almost everyone and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never tracked my win-lose ratio—that would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: recently, a newspaper editor rejected 20 pieces consecutively before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, over 50 book publishers declined my book idea before one gave the green light. Later on, 25 literary agents rejected a book pitch. One editor requested that I send potential guest essays less often.

My Seven Stages of Setback

When I was younger, each denial stung. I took them personally. I believed my creation was being turned down, but me as a person.

No sooner a piece was rejected, I would start the process of setback:

• Initially, surprise. What went wrong? How could they be blind to my talent?
• Second, denial. Surely they rejected the wrong person? This must be an mistake.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can editors know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my efforts? It’s nonsense and their outlet is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, irritation at the rejecters, then anger at myself. Why would I subject myself to this? Am I a masochist?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably mixed with false hope). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, despair. I’m not talented. Worse, I can never become successful.

This continued for decades.

Excellent Precedents

Certainly, I was in good company. Tales of authors whose work was originally rejected are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was initially spurned. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his youth squad. Many Presidents over the last 60 years had earlier failed in elections. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his movie pitch and bid to star were declined repeatedly. For him, denial as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

Then, upon arriving at my senior age, I entered the final phase of setback. Acceptance. Currently, I better understand the many reasons why an editor says no. Firstly, an editor may have already featured a comparable article, or be planning one in the pipeline, or be contemplating something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my pitch is of limited interest. Or the editor thinks I am not qualified or stature to succeed. Perhaps is no longer in the field for the wares I am offering. Or was too distracted and scanned my work hastily to recognize its quality.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Anything can be turned down, and for numerous reasons, and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Some explanations for rejection are permanently beyond your control.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are under your control. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the message I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Or a part about my punctuation, notably dashes, was unacceptable.

The point is that, despite all my years of exertion and rejection, I have achieved recognized. I’ve written two books—my first when I was 51, my second, a autobiography, at older—and in excess of a thousand pieces. These works have been published in newspapers major and minor, in local, national and global platforms. My debut commentary was published when I was 26—and I have now submitted to that publication for five decades.

Yet, no major hits, no signings publicly, no spots on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily handle no at 73, because my, humble achievements have eased the stings of my setbacks. I can afford to be reflective about it all today.

Educational Setbacks

Denial can be educational, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Otherwise, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what lessons have I acquired?

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